Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A bitchslap is in order.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
