hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
