I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
