Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
