She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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