Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
