I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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