Im at strip club and am horny
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
