well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
