you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
