Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
