week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
