don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize