Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
