Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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