You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
