i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
