My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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