i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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