Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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