I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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