I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
