I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
