God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
