you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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