I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
