Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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