put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
