Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
