I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
