that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
