It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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