wakey wakey hands off snakey
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Floor bacon is actually really good
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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