on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
