wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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