There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
