you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize