guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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