I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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