she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
