dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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