ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
