Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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