Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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