Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
