i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
