found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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