We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
