There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
