I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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