Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
