We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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