i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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