Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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