my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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