i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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