jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
