It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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