The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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