mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish you could order shots online.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
