yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
