Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
