WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
