Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
