Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
