Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
