I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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