Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
