Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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