3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
