I'm going to jail i love you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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