Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
