Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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