she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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