Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
