Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
