My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
