drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
