and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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