You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
