i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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