You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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