white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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